I used to say and believe that I didn’t care about what people said or thought of me. The funny thing is that sometimes I actually did the complete opposite of what some people approved of just to prove that I didn’t care. Now that I think of it… if I didn’t care, then why the need to prove it?
The truth is, that I actually care. One simple way of knowing this is with social media. I must say I am guilty of checking every so often how many likes has my latest post got so far. I used to put controversial opinions (actually, sometimes I still do) and I would be counting the “likes” while being mentally prepared with a bunch of arguments if anyone dared to comment with an opposite opinion. And when someone did, my heart would pound so fast, I would write as fast as I could and reply ASAP, and I would laugh and brag about how I won the argument. Why? Because I cared. I care what other people say or think about and of me.
Now, does caring mean that now I have become a people’s pleaser? No way! Does it make me weak? Yeah, maybe a little bit. Still, admitting I care gets the weight off my shoulders! I used to live so stressed and so up tight because I felt I needed to defend myself all the time, stand firm and defensive in my opinions and my beliefs and my way of living, showing that I am going to live my life as I chose to and I don’t care what you think… I’d be all defensive, so that no one would actually make me feel bad about my choices, or make me doubt them… because I actually did care!
So, how does admitting that I care get the weight off? Because when I finally admitted to myself that I did, I actually found a way out. It’s like alcoholism or drug abuse or any sort of addiction, I guess… the problem is solved when you first admit that you have a problem.
So. Here I am. My defences are all down now. God, help me. How can I possibly live my life if for every choice I make, someone will judge it? If for every opinion I have, someone will be against it? If for every act I do, someone will disapprove of it? And the worst of it is that I care.
I. Am. So. Weak.
Let the weak say, “I am a warrior.” (Joel 3:10)
This is how I handle it:
If I believe I am doing/thinking/saying the right thing but people simply just don’t understand, I turn to God. God, You know I am doing the right thing even though everyone is in disagreement about it… And I care!!! But I KNOW You are just. God, I KNOW You are faithful! Please take care of this, I trust in You and I trust that You will be with me.
If I am in one of my not-so-proudest-moments and I realize I just screwed up, I wasn’t the best version of me or don’t even feel like being it in that moment (it happens!), and people start judging, I turn to God. God, You know I am not perfect, that’s why I need You so much!! I know I screwed up and people are judging me, or will probably judge me… And I care!!! But I KNOW You still love me, I KNOW You love me just the way I am, I KNOW You are faithful and will continue the work You started in me, please take care of this, I trust in You and I trust that You will be with me.
The thing is, as unbelievable as this may be to some, if you give your cares to God (do you get it? one of my cares is caring what people think), He will take over and give you peace and perhaps a solution (if you got yourself into a problem!). When we admit to be weak and admit our necessity for God, God takes over, and fills us with His strength! Strength to endure judgement and actually stop caring! I’m too weak not to care, but God is stronger 🙂 Just remember: Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. He is good, He wants the best for you, He loves you, He is just and He is faithful.